Rantings...a woe is me blog

OK, so this is a post that'll prolly make a couple of you roll your eyes, and may get a couple of you angry, or scared of me but, these are just some honest thoughts.

There have been a couple things on my mind lately that I just want to talk about. I know I should just leave something like this for my journal, but I feel like I need to blog this.

Eric and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year now....This is a shock for those of you who are closest to us. With Baeya, we concieved her right away, but with Ethan we had to have drug intervention....I am just so frustrated because it was so easy with Baeya. Our first try and BAM she was on the way. After her my body just quit working. I don't ovulate. My body is taking my eggs hostage. I don't get it. I keep making up excuses for not being pregnant yet, like I need to loose weight first (which is probably true), or we don't want anymore, or something along those lines, but the truth is, I want another baby. I see my friends and neighbors with their babies(and believe me, around here, there are ALOT) and just ache.

I don't feel like I have the right to "whine" either because I know those who have not experienced child birth and want to so badly. I feel like I should just be happy with the children i have and just leave it be. True is though that I can actually feel my spirit aching to bring another child to this world. I now understand more clearly the meaning of "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."

The other thing that has bothered me lately is money. No, we are not exactly "struggling" but we are certainly tight. When I got my job it was just to create some mad money, but now it will all be going to bills. Which is fine, but the bills keep adding up. we keep accumilating bills no matter what we do. Just little things here and there and those things just keep adding up. One thing that bothers me is that we are paying a hefty amount per month on tithing. I feel like that money could be better used on catching up on bills. It's hard to see that money go when I don't feel like we are getting the "blessings" that are suppose to come. It's hard when you know a person who doesn't have the same standards as you who doesn't pay tithing, and see them complaining about all the extra money they are getting. They have "too much to know what to do with." It torks my toes!

I don't know, I guess I am just on a spiritual low. It's hard for me because I am doing all the things you are "suppose" to do, but I am just can't shake it. I am not a typical church member; my house isn't clean, my kids don't behave most of the time, I yell at my kids (which I am positive why half of my neighbors don't talk to me), I have different theological ideals than most members, I get angry, I have a past, I have questions...and yet through it all, have a close relationship with Christ. I don't see myself as a bad member.

My New Job

A few months ago, Eric and I had a talk about me getting a part time job. Just a few hours a week to have a little "me" time and to have adult interaction...plus the bonus of getting paid while I am out.

So a couple weeks ago I submitted my application to Lane Bryant here in IF down Hitt road close to the movie theaters. I got the job. I am going to be working evenings and weekends.

I started last week on Wednesday, I watched a bunch of training videos and helped with the closing.

Saturday was my second day and the store got REALLY busy! Baptism by fire can only describe that day. We were so busy we had a line for the dressing rooms and there are six of them!!!

I think what I enjoy most about Lane Bryant is that their product is really good! I have close that are about 8 years old and they stil seem new.

It Once Was Lost, but Now it's Found....

So, I found my camera....Someone turned it in at the Summer Days 2008 at Taylor's Crossing....

Devistated

I am so angry right now. My camera, my baby, was stolen this week. We are thinking it was on Sunday in the church parking lot. My camera was in the car and that's the only time we can remember possibly not locking our door. I am just sick! There is only one other time in my LIFE that I have been a victim of theft and that too was in a church parking lot. Why? Why would someone take something from someone AT CHURCH?

I am going to be making phone calls tomorrow to pawn shops and I may call the police.

I thought that maybe we put it somewhere in the house, but I have torn my house apart and it's not anywhere to be seen. I thought that maybe my kids hid it somewhere....nothing.

Why does this stuff happen to me? Would you all keep an eye out on craigslist and other places? It's a Cannon Rebel XT DSLR with a telephoto lens, card reader, extra card along with many other things, all wrapped up in a Targus camera bag.

Thanks!

PS: My BRAND NEW sunglasses were in the bag too......gggrrrrrr!!!

Garden Party Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

This is such a cute dress!!!! Check it out!!!
Garden Party Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

Update

Has anyone noticed how hard it is to blog in the summer? This is what has been happening these last couple of weeks....
Eric got a new car stereo for his birthday....

We had dinner at our friends' house and had homemade ice cream cake to celebrate

Eric turned 26.....see the 2 and the 6?

We found Bubba sitting on the pot....with his diaper on...is it already time to potty train???

After many months of tears and threatening, we finally cut Baeya's hair....she is very protective of it saying "Don't touch my hair, it's beautiful!" What a Diva!!!!